Jeff Wright

We have all heard about the importance of getting people to say YES.  Yes to the date.  Yes, to the sale.  Yes to nearly anything.  The problem is that we are so conditioned to expect someone to ask us “yes” questions we can become defensive over them.  We feel pressure and we withdraw because we often don’t know if a “yes” answer from us is genuine or if it’s uncertain.  We don’t know if saying “yes” is to get what we want or if it’s masking our insecurities.

The word NO is a completely different story.  “No” is power and certainty.  Almost no one has any problem saying “No.”   “No” makes the other party feel safe, secure and wouldn’t that be so much better for you?  To get what you truly want?  The word “No” is worth a thousand yes’s and this one skill can make life so much better for you.

You can flip any question that you would normally want someone to frighteningly say “yes” to   a resounding “no” that will not only get you the same result but have the other party very comfortable agreeing with you.  You must ask questions differently.  

One of the biggest complaints I’ve heard from my clients is that their former spouses were indecisive when asked something as simple as where they might want to go to dinner.  The normal response was always “I don’t care” and frustrations would set in.  Been there and done that.  Instead of asking “Would you like to go to dinner tonight?” and get a “yes-maybe” answer, flip it to “Would you be opposed to having dinner out?”  More than likely you’ll always get a “no” answer.  Then when it comes to where to go to dinner and asking where they might want to go and you really have a taste for Mexican food that evening, simply ask, “Would you be opposed to eating Mexican?” and again you will more than likely get the “no” answer you were looking for.

“Yes” questions are defensive and assumptive.  “No” questions are safe and collaborative.  “No” is the ultimate game changer for building solid relationships both business and personal.  You can use it anywhere.  Try it at a restaurant.  Instead of asking a server “Can I get more water?” simple rephrase that to “Would it be any trouble to get some more water when you have a moment?”  The “no” question will always get you the water faster.

If you are in sales or business, instead of asking the other party, “Does this sound like something you’re interested in?” to “Would you be against moving forward?”  The “no” questions not only give the other party a place of safety, but also the freedom to voice out any objections that you would never get the opportunity to hear if you asked them a question designed to get a “yes.”

Learn to get others to say NO to you and see yourself getting far more of everything you want!